At the beginning of the year I said to myself that '2009' was going to be a year of action, progress, and life-changing events. So far, little action, little progress, and zero life-changing events.
Today, I am worried about my reflections, which gets me thinking and makes me anxious. Yesterday I was freaking out internally, not physically. If you were to meet me you would have no idea that I was over anxious, thinking about twenty things at once, unsure about my life. On the outside, I am a calm, collected, cool guy who appears to have his life in order.
I chose the life that I am living. I chose to take risks with no guarantee of a successful financial return. I chose to begin my own business because there is no greater satisfaction than creating something from nothing and watching it grow, even at a minimal pace.
However, mind over matter is always more difficult. I forget that everything takes time. It has been nearly half a year and I continue to think "Should I be doing this?"
I find myself wanting the stability that I see others enjoy. I always wonder if I should attend a post grad course where the college helps you find a "placement" in a local company that may lead to a permanent position. Or should I attend Teacher's College and return to my roots where I spent twenty years of my life adapting to structure and step by step learning? Do I settle for an open position in an industry that is not appealing to me just so I feel like a success as I receive my steady paychecks?
I don't have a mortgage or car payments or a family, so I am lucky enough to be able to ask these questions and have the flexibility to make decisions on a short notice. However, these decisions are always difficult and I must remember that patience is an enormous virtue while in this situation.
I started what I started and I am going to stick with it. I receive advice from different people in the industry and they all say that things don't happen over night. I continue to keep hearing "years." I must continue to practice patience and allow life and my decisions to unroll as I hope. I can't give up and jump into something for the wrong reasons. If I stumble into unknown territory and decide that I like it than I may pursue it. But, I have to breathe, relax, and continue doing what I'm doing, and the gratification will present itself.
I'm happy, but I'm anxious. I'm doing what I want to be doing, but it's a struggle financially. I have to continue to think positively, take deep breaths and tell myself that everything will work out as long as I work hard.
But, if things do not progress, at what point do I give up?
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Love your post. It reminds me so much of what my post today. I would love for you to read My Money Secret and tel me what you think.
ReplyDeleteI don't usually leave links in comments, especially on the first visit but I can just relate to you and this post on a lot of levels. I'm interested in getting to know your blog and I love to what I can to promote if I love the content. That said so far so good, and I'm new to the blogging myself but it has become an instant passion.
Keep writing and keep dreaming.